If you want a good score for Task Response in IELTS writing (see public band descriptors for Task 2) then you need to make sure your opinion is clear in every paragraph - including your introduction.
Most of the time in academic writing we try to make our own opinions look strong and other people's appear weak. We can achieve this in 3 ways:
Position other people's ideas before your own and add a contrasting signal to show that your own idea is coming next.
In our opening example, our writer uses effective positioning, beginning with someone else's idea before giving us her own, and she uses a contrasting signal - however - to confirm that it's her idea next.
So far so good!
Use negative evaluative language to talk about other people's ideas and positive evaluative language to talk about ours.
There's nothing particularly negative about the language used to describe opposite opinion in our opening example:
taking a year break causes hesitation to continue study permanently
..but that's OK - positioning already makes this claim appear weak. Then the writer strengthens her own idea with an extremely positive evaluative adjective - beneficial.
So far so good!
When we introduce other people's ideas, we use problematising phrases that show that there might be something wrong with their ideas.
Our writer uses a problematising phrase - some people argue that - to introduce opposite opinion and make it appear weak. Great! But then..
..she uses another problematising phrase - many people claim that - to introduce her own idea!? This is supposed to be your opinion, not many people's!
If we take out that second - confusing - problematising phrase, then we're left with a strong introduction to this argument about gap years. The writer's opinion is now obvious, and the reader can look forward to some supporting arguments in the body paragraphs.
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